Last updated:  2/5/2024


How Did I Get Here—Wherever that is?

(My Spiritual Journey)


Several years ago I watched the movie, The Answer Man.  It was about a man who had written many authoritative books about GodMillions of his books had been sold and translated into many languages. As a result, he became a recluse because so many people were trying to seek him out for answers and healing and other forms of help.  The truth was, he didn't know zip.  The description (and why I watched it)  said that though he was hailed as a guru, when the plain truth was: he didn't have a clue. 

I enjoyed it.

Over the years I've learned to ignore those who say they have the spiritual answers to the questions you seek. They're everywhere, including YouTube.  But the truth is, nobody really knows. Most of us are predisposed to believe something more than this. In fact, according to some studies, our minds are hardwired to believe in a deity. All we really know is what we believe—but that doesn't make it true. Generally what we believe is what we first learned—usually because of either the family or culture we grew in.  

However, there are people who have devoted their lives to learning and they can be of help.  The important thing is to be on a journey that leads you to a Divine Creator or a "First Source." A religion that lets you know that you aren't alone; that you were created for an unknown purpose—but that a major part is to learn.  What I seem to have learned or assimilated is that both the journey and the destination are the reasons for life; the various paths, however, are many.


My spiritual life began without my being aware of it; I was baptized a Presbyterian as an infant.  Later, in the second or third grade I asked my mom if I could become a Catholic—not because of any great spiritual understanding—but because my sister, Patty, who was six years older than me, had converted.  I suspect now I just didn't want to be outdone by her.  After all, if it was good enough for Patty, it was good enough for me.  

Even though I was really young, I was considered a convert, so week after week, Saturday morning's would find me trudging off to the base chaplain, Father Kelly, and study my catechism.  (My dad was in the navy stationed at the Naval Air Station, Alameda, CA.)  One of the questions I still recall is:


Q.  Who is God?

A.  God is a supreme being.  (Which didn't mean squat; I was too young to understand "supreme."  That would have been about 1947.)


From those days until my late twenties I remained a staunch Catholic.

In the sixties the Catholic Church made sweeping reforms that altered my feelings about the church.  Things previously considered "sins," no longer were—such as eating meat on Fridays.  Since the pope was supposed to be the embodiment of Yeshua (Jesus' real name), —in other words, God on earth, that meant that when the church changed its mind, then God must have changed his.  Since the church taught that God was "all knowing," that didn't make sense, for in my mind an all knowing God should have known it wasn't a sin from the I lost faith in the church and quit going.

Don't get me wrong, Catholics are wonderful people.  That was simply my decision and I never discussed it with anyone.  At that time I was stationed in Keflavik, Iceland and had become a bachelor father of three.

To my my way of thinking a God who changed his mind wasn't much of a god.  Either that or the pope didn't represent him after all.  Because I believed in God more than than the pope, without any ado, I silently quit the church.  As a result of dropping out of church, but knowing there is more to life than what we see, I became a seeker of truth.

Leaving the religion of my youth was the hardest thing I had ever done; it was like turning my back on God, who I really believed in.  As I look back on it, however, it was also the best thing I ever did and that, without knowing it, I was being guided all the time.

In my searches I've passed (briefly) through Hinduism, Buddhism and esoteric cultic practices, including witchcraft.  As a Rosicrucian practitioner, I learned to meditate.  Today I no longer follow any of these 'isms.'  I understand that they are all paths leading somewhere, but not necessarily to truth or ultimate reality—whatever that may be. 

Meditation was the best thing I could have learned, because through meditation I discovered there is more to life than I ever thought possible.  (The only problem with meditation is that those who teach it always seem to have an agenda—theirs.  So, meditation often brings a religion with it.  Other than that it's a wonderful practice that seems to bring peace, along with a universal connection.)

Though I've been making spiritual discoveries through meditation for more than fifty years, the information on these pages began in the early 90s. Before that I kept my "learning" personal and private.   


What made me begin sharing my experiences started with a prayer for God to heal my elbow, which had become nearly crippled by arthritis—and hearing a voice in my mind say, "No!"

"Why not?" I shot back in stunned disbelief.

"I never do for you what you can do for yourself.  Heal yourself and then write about it."

So that's what I did.  The writing forced me to focus on what I had gleaned over the years and pull it together.  It also brought to light some of my contradictory beliefs—contradictions that many of us have.  (See a contradictory example below.)

The healing of my arm was just a beginning that kept leading to greater and greater discoveries about the manner in which the universe acts, reacts, interacts and responds to thought—your thoughts, my thoughts, and the thoughts of others.  (The Universe is a physical representative of the mind of God.) 

The things I've learned about spiritual wholeness that lead to physical health, spiritual wealth and happiness as a natural byproduct, are shared in these pages for anyone who is interested. Everything that has been put here has been learned the hard way, meaning by hands-on experience—and it works if you are diligent enough.  (Logic always dictates that, if it works, it's real; if it doesn't, it's a dream, a lie, or wishful thinking.)

My hope and prayer for you is this:  that you glean some practical and useful information from these pages, adapt it to your own life and cram it into whatever faith you follow.  If you disagree, fine.  Discard what you disagree with.  I can only share what I believe to be right.  All beliefs, including mine, are just that—beliefs.  Believing something doesn't make it right or true.  After all, wars are always fought because two sides believe something different, and both believe that God is on their side. 

If you have questions, e-mail me by clicking here.  I'll answer the best that I can.  (And you can rest assured you won't be put on an email list.  I'm not selling anything, so I don't want one.)

Regardless, may your life be happy, healthy and filled with joy.  

Where did all this seeking take me?  Well, since writing all this I have become a Presbyterian (USA) pastor serving in Reedsport, OR.  I've been a pastor for the past 20+ years.  If you wonder why Presbyterian, well here's the answer: it is one of the churches where people actually think, rather than nod their collective heads up and down and say "Amen!" at the appropriate time.  It is also one of the most accepting faiths, meaning all people are welcomed as the children of the universe—God's children—regardless of race or sexual orientation.  Presbyterians (USA) take the Bible as inspired, but realize that the fingerprints of mankind are all over it.  One last thing: it's a church where women are on equal footing with men.


Buck Tohill...A Kindred Spirit


Contradiction:  To me one of the greatest contradictions in religious logic is to believe in a loving and perfect God and yet—with the same logical mind—also believe that a loving god inflicts pain and suffering, destroys cities and nations on because they're disobedient, or demands sacrifices and then even goes so far as to sacrifice His own son through a horrible death.  Even as imperfect as we are, we wouldn't do those things.  If we wouldn't, why would we believe that a perfect and loving God would?

Footnote:  This life is just the beginning; we have all eternity to learn.